And there you have it. Right back to the start again. Right back to the beginning. 2013 is finished forever (until time travel becomes commonplace that is) and we’re collectively another year closer to death. But we’re not going to put a dampener on things here, those aforementioned sentences should spur you on if anything. This year will be the year you do that thing you’ve always wanted to do! This year will be the year you see that thing you’ve always wanted to see. Hell this year will be the year you give a backrub to that person you’ve always wanted to give a backrub to! The Sheffield entertainment scene is certainly clutching on to that ethos, a whole heap of treats lay at our doorsteps in January. Go out, meet people, drink tipples, learn, laugh, sing, cry and if you’re lucky, receive a backrub from a hopefully non-creepy stranger in the street.

THE CANARY CLUB.
4th JANUARY / ICONS / FREE.
A new year, a new venue and a new clubnight. This is almost too much excitement for us to handle. Ok, we’ve composed ourselves. If electro-swing and uplifting electro is your game, then the Canary Club is your 2014 destination. LINK

THE NUTCRACKER.
7th JANUARY / LYCEUM THEATRE / £19.
The world-renowned Moscow City Ballet tell the magical story of Clara, swept away to a spectacular winter wonderland by the Nutcracker prince. For fans of Tchaikovsky and the colour pink. LINK

DONUTS.
11th JANUARY / DQ / £5.
Recently turned 2 floors party den Donuts turns 1 year old in January. They certainly have a lot to celebrate after selling out DQ every Saturday in December. Warning: may contain booze. LINK

YOUTH MAN.
22nd JANUARY / BELL JAR / FREE.
Brum-bred Youth Man formed in early 2012 and combine unbridled X-Ray Spex passion with an artistic edge that leans towards the Dead Kennedys trippier moments. Evening arranged by the ever-providing Semi Detached. LINK

DAN LE SAC VS SCROOBIUS PIP.
23rd JANUARY / PLUG / £12.50.
The duo behind the massive “Thou Shalt Always Kill” return to Sheffield after a lengthy absence. Not that we think they’re one-hit wonders, their back catalogue is already very impressive despite being so early on in their career. LINK

ALASDAIR ROBERTS.
JANUARY 25th / LANTERN THEATRE / £10.
Big line up from the Folk Forest crew – Alasdair Roberts, Michael Tinker and J Barlow all sharing the stage down at the cosy Lantern Theatre. LINK

DUSK’TILDAWN.
JANUARY 25th / YELLOW ARCH STUDIOS / £10.
Massive line up for this 1 year birthday bash. After bringing the likes of Deekline and Benny Page to Sheffield in 2013, Dusk’TilDawn celebrate in style with Soul Of Man, Toni Jarvis, Rebel Sketchy, Tim Toil, The Off Me Nut crew and many more. LINK

EAST INDIA YOUTH.
JANUARY 29th / CATHEDRAL / £6.
The Quietus describes these guys as a mix of “Detroit techno, lo-fi psychedelic noise rock, deeply romantic Pet Shop Boys-esque synth pop and ramshackle avant-electronica” – sounds delightfully eccentric, go check ‘em out and come to your own conclusion. LINK

SHARROW FESTIVAL FUNDRAISER.
31st JANUARY / HARLEY / £2.
Cool Beans (hey that’s us) have organised a stellar line up of bands and DJs in order to raise funds for this year’s Sharrow Festival. Dual headliners are the wonderful Temptertons and new kids on the block Steel City Rhythm. LINK

That’s it for January. You all better take care now. Also, improve your life vastly by hitting up the Now Then website here. Content researched and presented by Chris “It’s a new year, it’s a new me” Arnold & Jimmy “Let’s hit the gym” May.

And all too soon November is upon us. Long gone are those carefree days swirling your hair in the wind driving your open top moped down Abbeydale Road, perspiring and gasping for air in the sun. And here are the days of darkness. Death of leaves. Death of flowers. Hibernation. Counting the pennies ready to splurge out on brandy for Christmas – feeling the need to get drunk just to pass the cold lonely days. But enough doom and gloom! Like two fat princes with bad hair, we’re here to save you from your misery – with once again, THE GREATEST LIST OF WHAT’S GOING ON EVER WRITTEN. Until next month when we will no doubt surpass all expectation once again…

K*NT AND THE GANG.
2nd NOVEMBER / REDHOUSE / £3.
K*nt and the Gang’s long overdue return to Sheffield as part of their Dirty Protest tour which is getting smudged all round the country. Come join in the shenanigans and hear greatest minor internet hits and more. Support from ROFLCOPTRZ, 50 Sniffs & Spit ‘n’ Strings. LINK

VILE IMBECILES.
3rd NOVEMBER / THREE CRANES HOTEL / £4.
Vile Imbeciles – formed by Andy Huxley in 2005 after leaving the Eighties Matchbox B Line Disaster and specialising in math-rock-death-jazz-twisted-pop. LINK

FUTURE OF THE LEFT.
5th NOVEMBER/ QUEENS SOCIAL CLUB / £10.
Welsh rockers with a penchant for loud noise stop off at Queens fresh from independently pledging, funding, recording and releasing their most recent album How To Stop Your Brain In An Accident. How would you stop your brain in an accident? Well, you’ll have to ask them and find out. LINK

GOLDIE LOOKIN CHAIN.
7th NOVEMBER / CORPORATION / £10.
Some people thought Goldie Lookin Chain would never make their 10th Anniversary Tour. Well you know what, those people were WRONG. More parody on the support tip with Chip Daddy & 50 Sniffs. LINK

WRECK THE PLACE / CAPTAIN HOTKNIVES.
8th NOVEMBER / CREMORNE / FREE.
Steve Allen AKA Wreck The Place has chosen the London Road gem of a venue the Cremorne for his album release shindig and Captain Hotknives as extremely worthy main support. LINK

DUBCENTRAL.
9th NOVEMBER / YELLOW ARCH STUDIOS / £15.
After a few months off, Dubcentral have returned with some humongous bookings – Smerins Anti-Social Club, Prince Fatty, Hollie Cook, Horseman, Operation Sound System, Ras Daddy Teacha and more take over the Yellow Arch complex. LINK

GIN & JUICE.
13th NOVEMBER / DQ / £3.
Andy H, Mikey J, Biggie & Smalls are all on the bill for the launch of Leeds/London based club night Gin & Juice. If you like hip hop and going out, this one’s for you! LINK

HEALTHY JUNKIES.
15th NOVEMBER / PENELOPES / £4.
An evening of post and pre-punk, the aim of the night being to capture and bottle the essence of certain music from the past and release it kicking and screaming into the now. Sound easy? It’s not. Leave it to the pros! LINK

HELEN MCCOOKERYBOOK.
16th NOVEMBER / RUTLAND ARMS / £5.
Ex-member of Joby & The Hooligans, The Chefs and Helen & The Horns pops in for an unplugged session. Support comes from M.J. Hibbett, Robberie and Seven Tors. LINK

SLOW CLUB.
23rd NOVEMBER / SHEFFIELD CATHEDRAL / £7.
Boy-girl duo Slow Club provide sweet hooks, rockabilly beats and exuberant yelps and yips, all held together by some breath-taking harmonizing. Expect magic in the Cathedral setting. LINK

DISCHARGE.
24th NOVEMBER / SOUTH SEA / £10.
Will Be Betrayed celebrate three years of punk and hardcore with a huge all-dayer event in Broomhill. Punk legends Discharge headline the evening; Barb Wire Dolls, Dogsflesh, Gets Worse, Holiday, Total Bloody Chaos and more on the support tip. LINK

PEACE IN THE PARK COMEDY FUNDRAISER.
29th NOVEMBER / CROOKES SOCIAL CLUB / £4.
Alt.Com.Cab spokesman Sean Morley has hustled together a crack team of comics in the name of Peace in the Park Fundraising. You know what happened when funds weren’t raised for last year’s Peace in the Park so get down there – ASAP! LINK

SMILING IVY.
30th NOVEMBER / HARLEY / £2.
Local heroes Smiling Ivy play their only autumnal Sheffield date at the recently-turned-double-figures boozer the Harley. On hand to help the proceedings are Johnny Kowalski & The Sexy Weirdos, Ubuntu, Hot Diamond Aces and a plethora of DJ talent. LINK

That’s it for this month. You all better take care now. Also, improve your life vastly by hitting up the Now Then website here. Content researched and presented by Chris “The Troughmeister” Arnold & Jimmy “Where’s Me Washboard” May.

Ah yes, the month all the other months have been talking about – the illustrious October. A month so fierce that all the promoters in the world attempt to cram in as many events and parties and gatherings and days out as they possibly can. And October 2013 is no different. If anything there are more events in October 2013 than any other October in recorded history. There is of course no factual proof for this nor has any research gone in to proving said statement. It would appear that we’re running out of things to put in this pre-listings blurb and have been reducing to making bold statements in an attempt to fill it. Thankfully, the local promoters have had no such trouble, check out this month’s spread…

STUDENT SINGLES BAR CRAWL.
4th OCTOBER/ HOP / FREE.
Lonely? Pop on down to this evening of potential delights provided by Magenta Dating. Starts 7pm at The Hop and is completely free to enter. Not to be confused with the Student Singles Bra Crawl. LINK

BELLEVILLE RENDEZVOUS – LIVE RESCORE BY ANIMAT.
4th OCTOBER / SHEFFIELD STUDENTS’ UNION / £3.50.
Sheffield live electronica duo Animat are revisiting their classic Belleville Rendezvous re-score to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the film’s release. LINK

SHEFFIELD INDEPENDENT MARKET.
5th OCTOBER / BARKERS POOL / FREE.
It will be a promotion and celebration of Independent traders and venues in Sheffield, there’ll be music and food and booze! What more could you ask for? A cuddle? We’re sure someone there will cuddle you. LINK

HEIGHTS.
6th OCTOBER / CORP / £7.
Heights come to Sheffield as part of their catchily-named “Old Lies For Young Lives” tour. With support from Black Dogs & The Catharsis. Crunchy! LINK

FERAL BROOD.
7th OCTOBER / BOWERY / FREE.
The incredible Feral Brood play a free show thanks to Castle BowWow & Tired & Mardy! Come down, grab yoursen (you heard) a cocktail and enjoy some loud live music! LINK

DJ JAZZY JEFF.
9th OCTOBER / DQ / £7.
Legendary turntablist and Fresh Prince pal Jazzy Jeff will be rocking the turntables at DQ on Wed 9th of Oct as part of his Vinyl Destination European Tour. Constantly innovative – not one to miss. LINK

PLUMP DJS.
11th OCTOBER / HARLEY / £4.
Andy Gardner and Lee Rous have been destroying dancefloors all over the globe with their own productions for over 15 years now. They’re finally back on the Sheffield stage and this time showcasing a very special 1975-2013 disco/boogie set. LINK

MY BIG FAT GYPSY FOLK NIGHT.
12th OCTOBER / PENELOPES / £4.
Bringing you folk, indie, samba, funk, soul, reggae, world beats and more in a night of musical talent from Sheffield and beyond all in the name of charity. Billing includes Tropic of Youth, James Tait, Wolly Mammoth, Carl Woodford and the Sheff Uni Samba Band. LINK

DEEKLINE.
19th OCTOBER / FEZ CLUB / £8.
Festival heavyweight and oft-partner to Ed Solo, Deekline produces a big mish-mash of booty bass, jungle, soul, breaks, dubstep, drumstep and drum ‘n’ bass. Fatherfunk, Dankle, Bosh DJs and Dusk ‘Til Dawn DJs provide the support on this fine evening. LINK

KEN VANDERMARK & PAAL NILSSEN-LOVE.
22nd OCTOBER / QUEENS SOCIAL CLUB / £7.
Improvising free-jazz heavyweights Vandermark (sax, reeds) and Nilssen-Love (drums, percussion) make an ultra-rare appearance outside of London and grace Queens with an intimate all-seated gig. Expect sonic fireworks! LINK

HACKNEY COLLIERY BAND.
25th OCTOBER / RIVERSIDE / £4.
Nine-piece brass extravaganza make their Sheffield debut at the Cool Beans 3rd Birthday celebrations. Also on the bill are Dexter Dextrous & The Fingersmiths, The Allstar Revolution, The Bone Lab, Jack Athey, Andrew Duxfield and more. LINK

DEAP VALLEY.
29th OCTOBER / LEADMILL / £10.50.
All female rock ‘n’ roll 2-piece who possess the following: fury, blues, passion, power. Rave reviews from all the newspapers and spectacular performances at all the festivals means that their upcoming UK tour is their biggest one yet. LINK

THE MONSTER CEILIDH BAND.
30th OCTOBER / SHAKESPEARE / £8.
The Folk Forest returns with something to get you bouncing around whilst reserving plenty of food for thought with this amazing fusion band who are simply setting the scene alight right now. LINK

WRECK-TANGLE HILLBILLY HALLOWEEN
31st OCTOBER / REDHOUSE / £6.
Big bad Halloween mad one courtesy of Wreck-Tangle! LINK

That’s it for this month. You all better take care now. Also, improve your life vastly by hitting up the Now Then website here. Content researched and presented by Chris “Spoon Boy” Arnold & Jimmy “Rusty Fork” May.