Star Wars Episode IV. House of Fun with Pat Sharpe. A delicious slab of Wensleydale cheese. All good things must come to an end. Yep the rumours are true listings fans, this is our final column but fear not as we’re passing the torch over to the mighty Alex Fenton-Thomas. He’ll be taking over listings duties next month and Cool Beans shall still be sporadically popping up in your favourite monthly magazine. Until then, sit back, grab a tin of beans and soak up June’s selections…

STAR WARS QUIZ
5 June | Rocking Chair | Free
What colour was Yoda’s underwear in The Phantom Menace? Who did Chewbacca have a crush on in The Jedi Strikes Back? What the flip is a wookie? All these questions and more at your local Star Wars Quiz! LINK

DOC/FEST
7 – 15 June | Sheffield | Prices vary
Already an institution here in Sheffield, Doc/Fest has gone all out for 2014. Films, sessions, performances and parties including special appearances from Adam Buxton, British Sea Power, Saint Etienne amongst many, many others. LINK

DJ YODA
13 June | Harley | £5 adv
One of the most innovative DJs of our generation who spends his time touring the World to sell-out crowds stops by the Harley Hotel for an intimate performance. LINK

PEACE IN THE PARK
14 June | Ponderosa Park | Free
We probably didn’t have to include PITP in the listings as every man and his dog will be heading down regardless but after its absence in 2013 this year feels doubly special. LINK

ADAM BUXTON
15 June | Crucible | £15
Count Buckules is back by popular demand after his storming BUG show last year. This time he tackles the chameleon-like rock star David ‘I need tissues for my eyes’ Bowie! LINK

NICOLA FARNON
15 June | Haggler’s Corner | Free
Food, drinks, laughter, friends, family and the finest swing music around! Nicola Farnon celebrates the release of her new EP with a Sunday evening shindig. LINK

SHARROW FESTIVAL
21 June | Mount Pleasant Park | Free
People feeling down and coming to terms with the fact that PITP won’t happen for another year, fear not! Sharrow Festival is just around the corner! LINK

GLASS ANIMALS
25 June | Bungalows & Bears | Free
Got to hand to the Semi Detached crew, they have been relentlessly providing Sheffield with solid live line-ups. This mid-week performance by Glass Animals shall be no different. LINK

PUZZLED
26 June | Dada Bar | Free
Puzzled returns to Sheffield after a lengthy holiday abroad in the Caribbean. Kickstarting the new wave is none other than Pro-Verb! LINK

SHEFFIELD LIVE FUNDRAISER
27 June | Riverside | £4 OTD
As many of you know, local TV (SLTV) is arriving in Sheffield and could do with a few pennies. Workshops, DJs and live music are all featured on this fun day out. LINK

JENOVA COLLECTIVE
28 June | Redhouse | £2 adv
Fresh from touring all around the UK and Europe, electro-swingsters Jenova Collective bring their all-new live show to Sheffield. Support from rapscallions Legitimate Gentlemen and local DJs. LINK

Thanks to Now Then Magazine for the good times!

Chris Arnold & Jimmy May. X

Not much to say about March on the whole so here are a bunch of words that rhyme with March – arch, starch, parch, larch. We would go on but the list ends there. What else to say about March? Well Wikipedia informs us that the word March comes from the latin Martius, the first month of the earliest Roman calendar and was named for Mars – the Roman god of war. So in a way March is actually the official month of war and has suddenly developed some very sinister undertones. Don’t you learn something everyday kids?! This isn’t just any listings column, it’s a full blown history & etymology teaching listings column! Also, war is bad, go to Sheffield events instead.

NADINE CARINA.
7th MARCH / RIVERSIDE / FREE.
Nadine flew in to the UK on a cloud from Switzerland and made dreamy electronic solo folk ever since. Semi-Detached have only gone and booked her to play this intimate venue for FREE! LINK

ONEMAN.
8th MARCH/ YELLOW ARCH STUDIOS / £12.
One Man. Many musics. Possibly our favourite story about Oneman was when he turned up late to a set and a fellow DJ plucked out a randomer from the crowd and got him to pretend to be Oneman whilst said fellow DJ played cheesy pop slightly out of sight. No cheese this time though. Strictly WAR DUBS. THE MONTH OF WAR IS NIGH! LINK

JOOKLO DUO.
13th MARCH / QUEENS SOCIAL CLUB / £7.
Virginia Genta and David Vanzan have been performing their intense and mesmerizing music all over the world since 2003. The duo’s work has been described as the most powerful expression in “free music” nowadays which is a pretty good description to have. LINK

THE REFLEX.
14th MARCH / HARLEY / £3.
This French DJ/producer has made his name but stripping popular soul/funk/disco/reggae tracks down to their bare stems and building them up again to remix/re-edit goodness. Quality Control & Join The Dots welcome him to Sheffield for his debut show in the city. LINK

SHEFFIELD ZINE FEST 2014.
15th MARCH / ELECTRIC WORKS / FREE.
Fans of zines listen up. Here you can read, swap and buy zines. You may also attend or even deliver workshops. And later on you can find everyone at the Bell Jar for a few scoops. A delightful day out if we ever heard one. LINK

CHRIS WADDLE’S CHARITY FOOTBALL MATCH.
23rd MARCH / HALLAM STADIUM / £5.
The man with the greatest surname ever is giving something back and lending his skills, talents and good looks all in the name of Archer Project – a local charity focussing on the homeless and vulnerable people of Sheffield. LINK

TCHA LIMBERGER’S BUDAPEST GYPSY ORCHESTRA.
23rd MARCH / MONTGOMERY THEATRE / £10.
World-renowned multi-instrumentalist Tcha Limberger will be bringing the Budapest Gypsy Orchestra to Sheffield to play a pure form of Magyar Nota, folk music from Hungary freed from the clutches of the Hungarian nobility. Nice. LINK

TODDLA T.
28th MARCH / SHEFFIELD STUDENTS’ UNION / £10.
Boxfresh and Tuesday Club team up with Radio 1 party maker Toddla T for a special night of music and airhorn samples. On the impressive bill is – Shy FX, Mele, Bok Bok, Flako, Andy H and many more… LINK

MAX GRAEF.
29th MARCH / THE NIGHT KITCHEN / £8.
Here’s the plan. This is Max Graef. A 4 hour set. A basement. A red light. A soundsystem. And if that isn’t a recipe for success then we don’t know what is. LINK

HOME MADE.
THROUGHOUT MARCH / GREEN ROOM / FREE.
An art & photography exhibition celebrating the music of Sheffield shall be displayed throughout the whole month of March. Pop on down to the Green Room for visual treats, musical treats and edible/drinkable treats on top. It’s a treatfest guaranteed to satiate your treat desire. LINK

That’s it for February. You all better take care now. Also, improve your life vastly by hitting up the Now Then website here. Content researched and presented by Chris “Sugar & Lemon” Arnold & Jimmy “Chocolate Spread” May.

And there you have it. Right back to the start again. Right back to the beginning. 2013 is finished forever (until time travel becomes commonplace that is) and we’re collectively another year closer to death. But we’re not going to put a dampener on things here, those aforementioned sentences should spur you on if anything. This year will be the year you do that thing you’ve always wanted to do! This year will be the year you see that thing you’ve always wanted to see. Hell this year will be the year you give a backrub to that person you’ve always wanted to give a backrub to! The Sheffield entertainment scene is certainly clutching on to that ethos, a whole heap of treats lay at our doorsteps in January. Go out, meet people, drink tipples, learn, laugh, sing, cry and if you’re lucky, receive a backrub from a hopefully non-creepy stranger in the street.

THE CANARY CLUB.
4th JANUARY / ICONS / FREE.
A new year, a new venue and a new clubnight. This is almost too much excitement for us to handle. Ok, we’ve composed ourselves. If electro-swing and uplifting electro is your game, then the Canary Club is your 2014 destination. LINK

THE NUTCRACKER.
7th JANUARY / LYCEUM THEATRE / £19.
The world-renowned Moscow City Ballet tell the magical story of Clara, swept away to a spectacular winter wonderland by the Nutcracker prince. For fans of Tchaikovsky and the colour pink. LINK

DONUTS.
11th JANUARY / DQ / £5.
Recently turned 2 floors party den Donuts turns 1 year old in January. They certainly have a lot to celebrate after selling out DQ every Saturday in December. Warning: may contain booze. LINK

YOUTH MAN.
22nd JANUARY / BELL JAR / FREE.
Brum-bred Youth Man formed in early 2012 and combine unbridled X-Ray Spex passion with an artistic edge that leans towards the Dead Kennedys trippier moments. Evening arranged by the ever-providing Semi Detached. LINK

DAN LE SAC VS SCROOBIUS PIP.
23rd JANUARY / PLUG / £12.50.
The duo behind the massive “Thou Shalt Always Kill” return to Sheffield after a lengthy absence. Not that we think they’re one-hit wonders, their back catalogue is already very impressive despite being so early on in their career. LINK

ALASDAIR ROBERTS.
JANUARY 25th / LANTERN THEATRE / £10.
Big line up from the Folk Forest crew – Alasdair Roberts, Michael Tinker and J Barlow all sharing the stage down at the cosy Lantern Theatre. LINK

DUSK’TILDAWN.
JANUARY 25th / YELLOW ARCH STUDIOS / £10.
Massive line up for this 1 year birthday bash. After bringing the likes of Deekline and Benny Page to Sheffield in 2013, Dusk’TilDawn celebrate in style with Soul Of Man, Toni Jarvis, Rebel Sketchy, Tim Toil, The Off Me Nut crew and many more. LINK

EAST INDIA YOUTH.
JANUARY 29th / CATHEDRAL / £6.
The Quietus describes these guys as a mix of “Detroit techno, lo-fi psychedelic noise rock, deeply romantic Pet Shop Boys-esque synth pop and ramshackle avant-electronica” – sounds delightfully eccentric, go check ‘em out and come to your own conclusion. LINK

SHARROW FESTIVAL FUNDRAISER.
31st JANUARY / HARLEY / £2.
Cool Beans (hey that’s us) have organised a stellar line up of bands and DJs in order to raise funds for this year’s Sharrow Festival. Dual headliners are the wonderful Temptertons and new kids on the block Steel City Rhythm. LINK

That’s it for January. You all better take care now. Also, improve your life vastly by hitting up the Now Then website here. Content researched and presented by Chris “It’s a new year, it’s a new me” Arnold & Jimmy “Let’s hit the gym” May.