The Final Cool Beans/Now Then Listings – June 2014

Star Wars Episode IV. House of Fun with Pat Sharpe. A delicious slab of Wensleydale cheese. All good things must come to an end. Yep the rumours are true listings fans, this is our final column but fear not as we’re passing the torch over to the mighty Alex Fenton-Thomas. He’ll be taking over listings duties next month and Cool Beans shall still be sporadically popping up in your favourite monthly magazine. Until then, sit back, grab a tin of beans and soak up June’s selections…

STAR WARS QUIZ
5 June | Rocking Chair | Free

What colour was Yoda’s underwear in The Phantom Menace? Who did Chewbacca have a crush on in The Jedi Strikes Back? What the flip is a wookie? All these questions and more at your local Star Wars Quiz! LINK

DOC/FEST
7 – 15 June | Sheffield | Prices vary

Already an institution here in Sheffield, Doc/Fest has gone all out for 2014. Films, sessions, performances and parties including special appearances from Adam Buxton, British Sea Power, Saint Etienne amongst many, many others. LINK

DJ YODA
13 June | Harley | £5 adv

One of the most innovative DJs of our generation who spends his time touring the World to sell-out crowds stops by the Harley Hotel for an intimate performance. LINK

PEACE IN THE PARK
14 June | Ponderosa Park | Free

We probably didn’t have to include PITP in the listings as every man and his dog will be heading down regardless but after its absence in 2013 this year feels doubly special. LINK

ADAM BUXTON
15 June | Crucible | £15

Count Buckules is back by popular demand after his storming BUG show last year. This time he tackles the chameleon-like rock star David ‘I need tissues for my eyes’ Bowie! LINK

NICOLA FARNON
15 June | Haggler’s Corner | Free

Food, drinks, laughter, friends, family and the finest swing music around! Nicola Farnon celebrates the release of her new EP with a Sunday evening shindig. LINK

SHARROW FESTIVAL
21 June | Mount Pleasant Park | Free

People feeling down and coming to terms with the fact that PITP won’t happen for another year, fear not! Sharrow Festival is just around the corner! LINK

GLASS ANIMALS
25 June | Bungalows & Bears | Free

Got to hand to the Semi Detached crew, they have been relentlessly providing Sheffield with solid live line-ups. This mid-week performance by Glass Animals shall be no different. LINK

PUZZLED
26 June | Dada Bar | Free

Puzzled returns to Sheffield after a lengthy holiday abroad in the Caribbean. Kickstarting the new wave is none other than Pro-Verb! LINK

SHEFFIELD LIVE FUNDRAISER
27 June | Riverside | £4 OTD

As many of you know, local TV (SLTV) is arriving in Sheffield and could do with a few pennies. Workshops, DJs and live music are all featured on this fun day out. LINK

JENOVA COLLECTIVE
28 June | Redhouse | £2 adv

Fresh from touring all around the UK and Europe, electro-swingsters Jenova Collective bring their all-new live show to Sheffield. Support from rapscallions Legitimate Gentlemen and local DJs. LINK

Thanks to Now Then Magazine for the good times!

Chris Arnold & Jimmy May. X

Game of Thrones – Low Budget Spin Offs

So Game Of Thrones wasn’t on TV last night and is taking a week’s break, probably due to the large number of funerals they’ve racked up. Fear not though Thrones fans (or Thrans as they are sometimes known), here at Cool Beans we have a number of low budget spin offs available for purchase. So big TV companies with cash to spare – get in touch with either Chris Arnold, Dom Kidson, Jimmy May, Toby Burr or Mark Leeming who are all available as actors/directors/producers/sound engineers/runners/archivers. The good news is that we could probably knock most of these up over the course of an afternoon and quench the thirst of the currently deprived GOT addicts.

Game of Homes – Estate agents in lower Buckinghamshire get all competitive with each other. Who can sell the most houses in a week? Will it be Roger? Will it be Barry? Only time will tell.

Game of Moans – A room full of elderly people turns to disarray as they try to out-moan each other. Contains very strong language.

Game of Phones – A thousand different telephones in a very small space, one phone is ringing, but which one is it?

Game of Loans – Mortgage companies try to dish out a loan with the largest interest rate ever. Just like in real life then. Zing!

Game of Clones – Hunger Games style competition in which people clone themselves and then fight their clones to the death. Requires CGI.

Game of Bones – Headed by Tony Robinson, who can find the most interesting archeological artefact in Shrewsbury and its surrounding areas? Rated 18.

Game of Scones – Two upper class gentlemen get awfully riled when they discover they only have one scone left and they both want it in their greedy bellies. Political undertones.

Game of Cones – Two drunkards compete to find out the best usage for a derelict traffic cone. The loser has to down a pint of gravy.

Game of Saônes – A variety of people try to recreate miniature replications of the river Saône which is based in the South of France. We’re really scrapping the barrel now.

Game of Stones – See who can make the biggest line of stones? See who can develop a kidney stone the fastest? Take bets on which one from the Rolling Stones will have a hip replacement next? I think it’s time we nipped this in the bud.

Please get in touch with cash offers for these ideas. Don’t steal them either. Cos we’ll hunt you down and maim your pets!

We spoke about this on a radio show a few weeks back as well…

The Cool Beans Getogethers #3 – Jimmy May & Mark Leeming & Dom Kidson by The Cool Beans Radio Show on Mixcloud

It’s been a slow news day.

Now Then Listings – July 2013

It’s official. It’s now over six months since Christmas. Six months since you were unwrapping gifts, stuffing your face with all sorts and arguing with your family. “But how can this be” I hear you cry? “It feels like yesterday” you murmur. Well life can be a cruel mistress sometimes. Life can be a real slap in the face. You can be plodding along listening to your favourite country & western track, enjoying the delights of the local park and then BLAM – you’re 85 years old and you haven’t achieved anything and that isn’t country & western you’re listening to it’s the sound of your existence slipping away into obscurity. The motto of this month’s listings column – no more dilly dallying on your life ambitions and as a cautionary, secondary motto – don’t mess with time travel.

THE ALTERNATIVE COMEDY CABARET.
4th JULY / RIVERSIDE / £3.

An event so colourful it’s claiming to make the gay pride flag look like a beige towel. There’s plenty more where that came from – it’s The Alternative Comedy Cabaret everybody!
LINK

OFF THE RECORD.
5th JULY / PLUG / £6.

After a successful launch event back pre-Xmas, Renegade Brass Band’s new bi-yearly night returns to Plug for a summer session. This time they bring the London based rapper and frequent Dub Pistols collaborator – Mr. Rodney P.
LINK

SHARROW FESTIVAL.
6th JULY / SHARROW VALE / FREE.

The people of Sheffield have high hopes for Sharrow Festival after the treacherous weather of yesteryear drove the 2012 celebrations into the Vine pub. This year’s entertainment includes Soukous Revelation, the Mighty Vipers, Soulcrates and local legend MC Nige.
LINK

FOURTH CITY AND END OF THE TRAIL RECORDS PRESENT.
10th JULY / REDHOUSE / £4.

Polkadodge, No Fxd Abode, The Verals, Perfectparachutepicture, Harriet Jones and Stop Drop Robot are all appearing at this exciting collaboration between Fourth City & End of The Trail Records.
LINK

DJ DEREK.
12th JULY / THE HARLEY / £4.

The legendary Brizzle reggae selector that is DJ Derek returns to Sheffield for an evening of toasting and skanking. The 71 year old surely can’t be far from retirement now, get in before 11 and you’ve grabbed yourself a freebie.
LINK

RICHARD HAWLEY.
13th JULY / BIG TOP / £26.

A brand new music event coming to Sheffield for the summer featuring The Levellers and Bison on the 12th and big dog Richard on the 13th. Local ales and local food provided.
LINK

STEEL CITY PUNX PICNIC.
13th JULY / PENELOPES / £12.

Massive punk rock all-dayer raising funds for Sheffield Hunt Sabs, an organisation combatting illegal blood sports in the Yorkshire area. On the day expect raucous performances from Dry Heaves, Septic Psychos, Oi Polloi, Captain Hotknives and many more.
LINK

EDINBURGH FRINGE PREVIEWS.
14th JULY / THE OLD JUNIOR SCHOOL / DONATIONS.

The Old Junior School on South View Road plays host to a heap of comedic performers running their material by the crowds before they embark on a month long stint in Edinburgh. Includes The Sheffield Revue, Alistair Greaves, Sean Morley, Staple/Face and music from Dominic Rout.
LINK

NEW TOWN KINGS.
19th JULY / THE BOWERY / FREE.

Part of the Cool Beans and Tramlines celebrations this year, Friday night at the Bowery sees 9 piece ska extravaganza New Town Kings return after a lengthy absence from the city. Also playing are Smiling Ivy, The Soul Circle Gang, Counting Coins, The Mega Squad and the band in the running for “Best Band Name of All Time” Johnny Kowalski & The Sexy Weirdos.
LINK

THE FOLK FORREST.
20th & 21st JULY / ENDCLIFFE PARK / FREE.

The Folk Forest will be returning to the beautiful glade at Endcliffe Park providing the best in folk music, high quality food & drink, arts & craft market, outdoor activities, heritage crafts and much more.
LINK

LOCUS.
24th JULY / LESCAR / £5.

Jazz Club at the Lescar? Nice. Locus are influenced by Wayne Shorter, Pat Metheny and Brian Blade, their compositions deeply rooted in the jazz tradition and range from bop to contemporary acoustic fusion.
LINK

SHEFFIELD WELLBEING FESTIVAL.
26th JULY / FARGATE / FREE.

The city is treated to a variety of stalls, activities and even stilt walkers all coming together in celebration of wellbeing and the plethora of wonderful services Sheffield has to offer those suffering with mental health issues and their carers.
LINK

SHOWROOM SHORTS.
30th JULY / SHOWROOM / FREE.

The South Yorkshire Filmmakers Network returns to their monthly residency at the Showroom Cinema. Also worth checking out – the 2 Weeks 2 Make It Awards Show on the 15th July, also at the Showroom.
LINK

That’s it for this month. You all better take care now. Also, improve your life vastly by hitting up the Now Then website here. Thanks once more to Jimmy the Gent & Puzzled for his help with words/research/hip hop lyrics.