It’s that time of the year again! That’s right, it’s May. It’s May and it’s also time for the annual Cool Beans Awards of which this is the first (and most probably last) list of winners!
BEST LIVE BAND
Beach Boys
BEST DEAD BAND
Ham Pocket
ALL ROUND GREAT GUY
Tom Lange
ALL ROUND GREAT GUY WITH A VAN
Sam Staton
SECOND ALL ROUND GREAT GUY WITH A VAN
Ash White
BEST PARTY
Church of the Militant Elvis Party (now defunct)
BAND MOST LIKELY TO INVITE A FEW LADS BACK FOR A SAUNA PARTY
Smiling Ivy
BEST FOX
Jez the Fox
FATTEST BACK
Chris Arnold
HAIRIEST MAN
Olly Galvin
LEAST HAIRIEST MAN
Hal O. Pecia
CELEBRITY WHO HAS HAD THE MOST INFLUENCE ON COOL BEANS
Bonnie Tyler
BEST WASHING MACHINE BRAND
Hoover
BEST SHEFFIELD VENUE
The Basement
BEST PLACE TO MEET FRIENDS
On the internet
BEST POET
Cliff Shearsmiff
BEST LIST OF AWARDS
This one
VILLAIN OF THE YEAR
El Krazy Kat
BEST MOTORBOAT
The one that doesn’t get anyone arrested
BEST BAR STAFF
Oliver Gillespie
SECOND BEST BAR STAFF
Drew Garber
MOST OUTRAGEOUS TURKEY
Steve the Turkey
BEST TV SHOW
Points of View
BEST CELEBRITY DEATH
Mufasa
HUNGRIEST HIPPO
John the Hippo
BEST DRIED FRUIT
Prune
BEST NIGHTCLUB CLEARANCE
Arnivore in Two Hoots Nightclub, Scotland
TASTIEST BOOZE
Special Brew
BEST MAN WHO ONLY LISTENS TO JUNGLE MUSIC OR SWING MUSIC
Tim Walker
BEST DJ
DJ Fine Wine
SECOND BEST DJ
DJ Pale Ale
THIRD BEST DJ
The Meekatron
BEST SYMPHONY
Bach – Symphony In G Major
BEST UNSEEN BEAN
The Unseen Bean
BEST ADVOCATE FOR FATHERS OF JUSTICE
Barry the Horse (divorced)
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD
Darren, aged 2
and finally
REAR OF THE YEAR
Andy Enchilada
but also…
REAR OF THE YEAR
Dom Kidson
Interviews with the winners, behind the scenes footage, award acceptance speeches, close-ups of the awards, photos of the winners wearing swimwear and so much more to come. Stay tuned!
